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Chivalry has often been pronounced dead, but a new study in the Springfield Journal of Scientific Virtues raises doubt about this claim. Dr. Nytin Shining-Armor has conducted more than four interviews with recent Valentine’s Day dates. He concludes that the perception of chivalry’s demise could just as well stem from the sharp decline in dragons or a shift in interior design trends toward non-swinging doors.

“There is simply not enough opportunities to be chivalrous,” Shining-Armor said to his wife when she declined to undo his chain mail during last week’s visiting hours. “Or any kind of walrus, for that matter.”


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