When you get this letter, I will have left you. Do not try to find me. It is over. Our marriage has become like one of your stupid cat experiments; as long as we don’t talk about it, it could be both dead and alive. But I have had enough. You are never home. When you are not working, you are out partying with your friend, Albert, with the funny hair. So I have taken a peek in the box, and I can honestly tell you: the kitty isn’t there anymore!
Your soon-to-be ex-wife,