William


William was a dodo bird who specialized in red jellybeans. I know you’re gonna question that because how many kinds of red jellybeans are there, really? Well, at least eight, including Tabasco and Sizzling Cinnamon, so there you have it. William was a true expert, and he traveled around to conferences all over the place. In 2013 he went to Budapest to present the conclusions of four experiments to establish a carbon-negative source of alpine strawberries. His girlfriend, Belinda, was a feral pigeon, but that didn’t bother William because she was good at directions and didn’t snack in the nest.


Music pairing: Scream & Shout by will.i.am featuring Britney Spears